Fill in the _______s (Updated)

You know how people will say about someone who has a high opinion of himself that "his shit don't stink?"  Well I'm here to tell you that democratic presidential candidate ______ _________'s shit definitely stinks.  I mean the real thing really does stink.  I know this for a fact because ______ _________ came out of the bathroom of the Busy Bee Lunchbox just before I went in there yesterday during a campaign stop in my town.

Now you might say I'm being ridiculous because everyone has done a smelly dootie one time or another, right?  But what about considering the senses of the next patron of the room you just spent some time being nasty in?  Now there was no air freshener in there, sure, Fran doesn't believe in it. But there is a window that can be opened and besides, ______ never heard of matches?

Or how about the decency of a headsup to the person who's about to go in and witness to your crime.  A simple "You may want to let that room air out a little, friend." Golly pete, how are we supposed to trust ______ with keeping us safe from international terrorism when they couldn't even protect me from the terror I experienced in that confined space?

Well I told Fran all about it after ______ ________'s entourage left and then she told somebody else and the next thing you know I got a call from CNN.

So now I been interviewed by CNN and the phone is ringing off the hook and this could have all been avoided if _______ had taken a few precautions or was maybe eating better. Anyways, I'm supposed to be on in the 7 to 8 timeslot, so there you are.

To be honest, I wasn't that big of a fan of ______ in the first place (I'm really kinda partial to ______ ________) but if ________ gets the nomination, I may have to stay home come election time.

I just had to get this off my chest.

Update

Okay. My bad. I've just now found out that a reporter for FOX had been in the rest room before _____ ________, so it is possible that they were the one who did the deed.  Does anybody have an inside line phone number for the CNN studios?  Please let me know before 7 if you do.