Poll For The Bitter-enders

I am bone-tired of poll after poll that shows that Bush (and by extension modern conservative policy) is still viewed favorably by roughly 28% of the respondents who are willing to take polls.  I know as sure as I'm hunting and pecking this miserable excuse for a diary, that the true Bush popularity figure (if derived from a poll question that didn't bend over backwards to be neutral, and has the effect of giving Bush "worst president ever" a ginormous benefit of the doubt -- a benefit of the doubt, in fact, that is so huge that it would lead to significant positive approval ratings from post WWII Germans for Adolph Hitler) would show that 1/2 of 1% of the American public would be just about the number who would rate Bush and the Republicans favorably.

We will never see poll results like that.  This is not because Bush and modern Republicanism have some mysterious group of very stupid and dedicated secret supporters, but because the right poll questions are never going to be asked by our corporate media.  In an attempt to remedy this situation, I offer these poll questions for the bitter-enders:

For each poll question, circle the number that most closely matches your response to the statement.  Circling one means strongly agree, two means somewhat agree, three means no opinion, four means somewhat disagree and circling five means "Are you freakin' crazy?  What the hell are you thinking?  That is the stupidest statement I have ever heard -- and I've been watching television for a long, long time."

1. Fifty years from now, historians will praise President Bush for backing off on the hunt for Osama Bin Laden in Afganistan in order to topple that great enemy of our freedoms Saddam Hussien.

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2. We would finish the mission in Iraq much sooner if we would simply stop bothering our President about what might be written down on some sheet of paper somewhere and simply put our trust in his intelligence and leadership. He is in the best position (and has the right kind of background and character) to know what is best for us.

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3. If the men who lead our oil companies have figured out a way for their companies to survive loss of refinery capacity and severe weather disruptions by adjusting the price of gasoline a little bit, we should not begrudge them millions of dollars in performance bonuses when we fill up at the gas station.  These are the laws of the marketplace, the marketplace that has brought everything good to our country.

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4. That separation of church and state idea was only meant to keep government out of our chuches.  The founding fathers wanted us to have a god-fearing nation that looks to the bible for guidance in all things.  How can we begin to know how to think about marital relations and punishment and commerce and science without Christianity to guide us away from the Devil?

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5. The journalists of Washington DC have a very difficult job to do.  They have to report honestly and thoroughly about the very people they have cocktails and share good preschool leads with.  Instead of appreciating their impeccable journalistic integrity, many people try to imply that we aren't being given the whole story, and that's just not fair.

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6. Some American men and women mistake the freedom we citizens enjoy with an anything goes mentality that makes them think they have ultimate say-so over their lives and their bodies.  One of the few legitimate powers our government possesses is to show these freedom addicts where they have erred and to remind them of the Higher Power that really controls their destiny.

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7. Why do we begrudge our millionaire and billionaire families their luxury lifestyle?  Jealous much?  Our superwealthy may have been given a tremendous advantage but instead of complaining about it and screaming "Soak the rich!" why not get off your butt, make a few million through the sweat of your brow (probably by going to work at a job created by these very so-called ultra-rich) and join them?

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8. September 11th changed everything.  What good are our rights or the Constitution if we might soon be suffering under the rule of swarthy blackamoors who worship a pagan religion?

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Please feel free to add your own questions.